The other day, while doing a couple of miles on my walking pad, I noticed my son watching as I lip-synced my heart out to Hamilton (“Wait For It” . . . if you’re wondering). At first, it felt a little embarrassing. But the more I thought about it, I realized it felt . . . good. It made me happy to know he was seeing me being me.
Moments like this remind me that I want my kids to see me as someone who is more than just their mom.
I don’t want their core memories of me to be making lunches or telling them to brush their teeth. I want them to remember all the things I did to make their lives magical and wonderful . . . but also remember that I was weird and silly and ridiculous. Also, that I have feelings and passions outside of motherhood.
Being Real With My Kids, I Will Continue to . . .
Be Weird
I’ve tried to make my home a place where my kids feel completely relaxed and comfortable — somewhere they can be themselves. And the best way to do that is for me to be myself too. Yes, my kids should see me as someone they respect and trust. But those things aren’t undermined by being goofy. So I’ll keep singing at the top of my lungs in the car, I’ll wear a pirate hat when I give goodnight hugs, and I’ll quote lines from Friends in everyday conversations even if my kids think it’s absurd. After all, being weird is always better than being boring.
Show My Emotions
We focus so much on our children’s emotions: recognizing them, validating them, regulating them. But big feelings don’t go away when we’re adults – we just manage them better. I try to remember not to hide my disappointment, hurt, or frustration. I want my kids to know that I’m a deeply feeling person too. My kids have seen me sob, yell, and laugh until I have to pee. It shows them that my feelings matter just as much as theirs, and it helps remind them how to manage their own.
Share My Passions
I love my kids, and I love being a mom. But I also love reading, writing, traveling, and music. So I share these parts of me with my kids. I make sure they see me reading more than they see me scrolling on my phone. Occasionally, I play my songs in the car. I show them the poetry I’ve written. And I share what I hope to accomplish in the future – even if someday I might have to tell them I failed.
So here’s to being honest, vulnerable, and weird with your kids. Here’s to letting them see you and appreciate you. Because being real with kids is beautiful.
