Like most of us, I like being in control. Until I became a stepmom, then a mother at age 39, my life was mine alone. I planned meticulously. I worked well under pressure. I operated well alone. I loathed being late. “God said HA.”
I fell in love with a dad of three girls.
What Type C Parenting Means
Where I landed as a parent recently went viral as “Type C parenting”. It’s a style built on flexibility over rigid routine, picking your battles, and encouraging independence early. I didn’t choose it on purpose. It chose me.
Before I gave birth to my own daughter, I was a stepmom. My husband had parented three daughters for almost two decades before we added Stella to our family. I learned, faster than most first-time mothers, how little is actually within my control.
That ran against everything in my nature.
How I Learned It the Hard Way
In the early fragility of our blended family, the older girls struggled with our decision to have a baby. So I quietly made a promise: their lives at 12, 16, and 18 would change as little as possible because of Stella’s arrival.
Here are a few results of that promise:
- I left my baby for the first time with my husband’s ex-wife so the five of us could keep our tradition of cutting down a Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend. The girls’ mom and I had been in the same place fewer than five times before that.
- I went ice skating six weeks postpartum while my husband held the baby.
- We took a 40-person bus trip to see our family history in Cyprus. It was about 100 degrees on the bus, and I was still nursing.
- I am never on time anymore. Sorry if we’re supposed to hang out.
Parenting alongside a husband patient — if weary — after 20 years of raising daughters, I settled into Type C parenting. In a recent article on the topic, Zara Hanawalt writes that it resonates with work-from-home moms who need a flexible schedule. I feel the same way. A loosely structured routine serves us well. I’m slowly getting better at going with the flow, and I think Stella will be too — a trait that will serve her for life.
Stability and predictability are important because they allow our family and household to operate smoothly—but I’ve consciously avoided being too rigid about how we run things around here, because raising flexible kids is extremely important to me. -Zara Hanawalt
Wait, Am I a Type C Mom? April 14, 2026
I rely on a lot of people to help care for Stella while I work. That meant letting go of things being done one particular way. At 2.5, I’d have preferred she not know every Billie Eilish and Tate McRae lyric but that’s a side effect of time with her older sister. I’ll take it as the gift that it is.
Recently, a caregiver let her nap too long, which meant a later bedtime than usual. I had two options: fight it, or let the routine go. I picked the second. I told Stella I was going to read in my room, and she could do the same until she felt tired. I left a low light on. She looked at books and listened to her Yoto Player until she called us in to turn off the light. We’ve given her room to know her own body and how to be alone. And I didn’t feel guilty taking the time I needed at the end of my day. That’s growth for me.
The Takeaway
I’ve mostly kept the promise I made on a hard night late in pregnancy. Stella feels loved. Looking back on her first few years, I’m glad I didn’t cling to rigid routines or insist on doing things one way.
This is what worked for our family — it may look different in yours. But if you’re white-knuckling control because that’s who you’ve always been, consider this permission to loosen your grip. It might be the thing your kids need most.
