5pm doesn’t have to be “the witching hour.” The frenzied pace of practice, homework, dinner, baths, and bedtime leaves little room for calmness. Depending on your kids’ ages, the activities, tantrums, and arguments about homework make it feel as if bedtime will never come. When patience runs thin, small tweaks can shift the vibe from chaos to chill. Try one, two, or all six of these ideas and see what sticks to make your home calmer.
Comfortable clothes as soon as possible
As soon as my husband comes home from work, he changes his clothes. His shoulders have visibly dropped when he returns downstairs in more comfortable attire, and he’s ready to handle dinner, homework help, and playtime. Changing into casual clothes means “I can relax” even if there is still more to do. This does not mean you need to put on pajamas at 4pm, just something that says “I’m home now.”
Dim lights & transition music
Particularly in the evening, lowering light levels helps your family relax. Not only is this good for the environment but also a dimmer home means less stimulation. When combined with a particular playlist for transitioning into evening, your home becomes a calmer place to be. Kids especially will begin to associate that specific playlist with the shift into evening. Eventually, the dim lights will prepare your family for sleep but until then, enjoy the playlist that signals to your family “we’re home, we’re together, let’s enjoy it – calmly.” Here’s a playlist to get you started.
Conscious screen time
We all need a transition from being “on” all day. There’s scrolling (less good for our brains) and there’s playing word or strategy games (better for our brains) on our phones. Finding the same kind of intentionality for our kids’ screen time will provide decompression for them as well as a short break for you. I’ve found that by giving my three year old twenty minutes on her iPad to Color By Number or play Khan Academy Kids while I make dinner keeps us both calmer. Depending on the age of your child, this looks different. The goal is low stakes and low stimulation at any age-music, podcasts, audiobooks, or even rewatching a show all fit the bill.
Warm water
After a long day, our bodies benefit from warm water. Whether it’s a toddler’s bath or a teen’s long solo shower, the warm water acts as an anxiety soother, mood lifter, and cleanser. The warmth causes the muscles to relax which signals the body that it’s time to sleep. Sipping on warm water or a cup of tea provides a sense of comfort and ritual. I always was a morning shower gal but now that I have kids, an important part of my evening routine is a hot, cleansing shower to end my day.
Ask “What was your best thing?”
This question replaces the dreaded “how was your day?” I almost always learn something specific about our teens’ days that can lead to more conversation. Sometimes my three year old chooses an obvious highlight or family shared experience. Other days, her answer gives me insight into how she sees the world, and it takes my breath away. I like to believe my family would miss this ritual if it disappeared. Sharing something good continues the positive tone of the evening.
Reading aloud
My dad read to me before bed through middle school. It was a cherished time that cemented my love for books. We tend to get out of the habit of reading to our kids once they master the skill on their own. However, the act of reading aloud or listening to an audiobook can have a calming effect. At any age, the key is finding an enjoyable read for all involved. Janssen at Everyday Reading has recommendations for all ages and interests. Pro tip: If an older child starts to resist a read aloud, let them stay up a little later to enjoy special time with you. They might not be able to resist.
For most, the young child’s evening routine is of utmost importance. As children get older, flexibility becomes necessary as their lives outside the home get busier. For any age, though, there is comfort in a calming routine for the last hour or two to close the day. There is well documented science that makes the evening hours particularly challenging. These small interventions can shift the tenor of our homes from stressful to peaceful. We’re supporting our kids with habits they can take into adulthood while taking care of ourselves too.
