It’s that time of year again where we slow down for a minute to count our blessings. On the 4th Thursday of every November, I gather with family and friends and think about how the Maker has provided all that we need; and abundantly so! However, on the heels of that holiday are some other days that can often leave me feeling frazzled, stressed and plain worn out.
What if we could carry the sweet spirit of Thanksgiving into every season of our lives? How can we devote that same time and attention to being grateful for our blessings on the remaining 364 days of the year? What would happen if we were intentional to cultivate a spirit of thankfulness our whole life long? These are questions that I am trying to answer in my own day-to-day. And if I’m asking these questions, maybe so are are some of you. For this reason, I thought it would be timely to share with you a few practices that I have found to be helpful in cultivating a grateful heart. For life!
What is gratefulness?
A quick search in my Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “thankful” as “1) conscious of benefit received”, and “2) expressive of thanks”. Digging a little deeper, I found that the word “grateful” defined as “1) appreciative of benefits received and 2) affording pleasure or contentment.”
In other words, gratefulness includes a sense of deep satisfaction and contentment. This feeling may remain long after the action that actually benefited you. You may even be willing to manifest those feelings by acting on them even years later. In turn, thankfulness refers more to the immediate acknowledgment of the benefit received. This Harvard study even suggests that being thankful increases one’s happiness! Out of this brief word study, the word that sticks out to me the most is ‘contentment’. How do we learn to be truly content, not constantly wanting the bigger, the better, the newer, the flashier [fill in the blank]? The answer: start small. Here are a few suggestions for enhancing peace and contentment that I hope you can start using today!
Embrace the Mess.
When we see toys strewn about the living room floor, dishes piled in the kitchen sink, and the never-ending mounds of laundry, do we pause for a minute to think about the “why” behind them? Or do we immediately become exasperated and overwhelmed at the work that needs to be done? In a few years, our kids are going to grow out of their interest in those toys. They may be off to college doing their own laundry. And there will be fewer dishes to do after dinner when they’ve flown the coop.
The takeaway here is that the mess that we are surrounded with right now signifies LIFE in our homes. Life that is full, abundant, and beautiful. These little years are so fleeting. Perhaps these messy tributes around our homes can remind us of just how precious this time is. And just maybe we can allow them to nurture in us a softer response towards our children when we come upon the tube of toothpaste emptied into the bathroom sink or as we trip over the shoes, coats and backpacks after a day at school. No life = no mess.
Praise more. Criticize less.
Pause for a minute and think about the kind of words you’ve spoken today. Did they serve to build others up or were you constantly criticizing someone’s work or lack thereof? One study that I read suggests that the praise-to-criticism ratio should be somewhere around 3:1. This means that for every one critical comment you speak to your child/spouse/coworker, for that same person, you should have three comments of positive reinforcement. Yikes! Full disclosure: some days I fall woefully behind! But the cool thing is that it’s never too late to shower our loved ones or coworkers with words of affirmation. We know that instruction and correction are a necessary part of life, especially in parenting. But there is certainly a balance to be had in how often and in what tone we deliver these types of words.
In addition, if we are trying to catch someone for being good, then we will naturally be a little less focused on negative behaviors. This ritual will train our eyes to more easily spot the positive things occurring in our homes. This may also cause us to recognize the things that are getting done around our home, instead of the things that aren’t. Sounds like another step towards gratefulness to me!
Simply Say ‘Thank You’.
This attitude of seeking out the good in others can flow into our outer circles as well. When is the last time you thanked a soldier for their service to this country, nurses for the daily care they provide for those who are sick, grocery store cashiers, baristas, pastors, police officers, first responders, teachers? The list goes on and on.
Words are powerful. And believe it or not, people will remember what we say to them. And conversely, what we don’t say. Lets speak words that leave a legacies of gratefulness to whomever we come into contact with.
Silence the Media Mayhem.
Consider for moment how you felt today when you finished trolling through Social Media. Were you left feeling more fulfilled? Or did you walk away feeling dissatisfied with some aspect of your life? Often, our lives can seem inadequate as we compare ourselves to others who allegedly ‘have it all’: the perfect house, the perfect spouse, the perfect kids, the flashiest car, clothes, you name it! If you find yourself trapped in a cycle of playing the comparison game every time you hop on your phone, perhaps it’s time to take a Social Media Sabbatical- this could be a few days or maybe even a few weeks. Put those accounts on hold for a minute. Or at the very least, limit your time on such platforms.
Theodore Roosevelt once wisely said that, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Ponder the beauty that you see in your own life while you shut out the noise of the world. I hope that as you’re less distracted by all things you don’t have, you will begin to appreciate and find joy in the things that you DO have.
Serve Somebody.
Place yourself in the shoes of someone who has suffered loss or someone who is less fortunate. This could help you to gain some perspective in your current circumstances in life that you’ve been missing. For instance, when I consider the inconvenience of not having a working microwave for the last few weeks, I might consider that the homeless in my area may not have had as much as one hot meal this week. Or when I put away my husband’s boots for the umpteenth time, I can do so joyfully as I recall that several of my neighbors are widows who might wish their husbands boots were “in the way”.
In a culture that seems to be more and more me-focused, consider making a difference in someone else’s life. This could look like carving out a few hours in your schedule to serve at your local soup kitchen for a few hours this weekend. Or it could be as simple as ladling out a jar of homemade soup for your widowed neighbor or shut-in. It is almost impossible to be concurrently unsatisfied with your current situation and put somebody else’s needs above your own .
This particular practice is one I pull out of my playbook when I hear my kids complain, “I’m bored!”. My very first suggestion to my child is to have them think about something that they can do for someone else. This takes so much of the focus off of them, and forces them to be others-minded. And often times their complaints of boredom altogether disappear!
Choose one.
As you contemplate on how to increase your contentment this Thanksgiving, I would challenge you to pick one of these ideas and put it to the test today. Trying to implement all of these suggestions at once could be overwhelming and lead to these new habits fizzling out after a few days or weeks (much like the exercise routines we start on January 1st!). So start small, pick one, and work at integrating it into your life. Let’s see what happens when we focus on expressing gratitude this holiday season and beyond!
