Prioritizing self-care when you are newly postpartum can be a daunting task. You’re juggling your newborn’s needs, with your own physical recovery, with changing family dynamics, and more. Throw in a NICU experience, and meeting your own basic needs, let alone true self-care, can feel next to impossible.
I will be the first to admit that when my son was in the NICU, I was not great with self care. In talking with other NICU moms, that is not an uncommon experience. It is understandable – and totally ok – to be in survival mode when in the NICU. That said, it’s important to look after your own wellness. Even small, low-effort self-care practices can make a difference.
Here are some self-care ideas for surviving the NICU, from a mom who has been there.
1. Prioritize your own postpartum medical appointments.
It can be difficult to step away from the NICU to attend your own appointments. But staying on top of your own postpartum care is essential to stay healthy and present for your baby. Most providers are very understanding and accommodating when you have a baby in the NICU. If you need to miss an appointment, be sure to reschedule it as soon as possible. If you are too tired to drive yourself there, ask a friend or family member to bring you. If you can’t get there in person, ask about telehealth options so that you can still check-in with your provider.
2. Identify at least one mental health resource for when you need it.
When my son was in the NICU, I had a therapist I knew I could call, and I was referred to a couple support groups. I didn’t use these resources until about 4 months postpartum. But proactively knowing they were there gave me comfort early on. Then, when I was ready, it was easy to get started because I had the resources lined up. A great place to start is Postpartum Support International. They host over 30 free virtual support groups. Groups include NICU Postpartum Parents, Special Needs and Medically Fragile Parenting, and Parenting After Loss.
3. Bring a hobby into the NICU.
Some days in the NICU are an overwhelming whirlwind. Others are filled with a lot of waiting and down time. Consider bringing a hobby with you to pass the time and give yourself a creative outlet to focus on. Hobbies could include: reading a lighthearted book; completing a coloring book, word search or sudoku; journaling about your experience; or starting a craft such as knitting, cross-stitch, or drawing.
4. Stock your NICU space with items for yourself.
Make sure you have easy access to self-care essentials. Set-up an area in your baby’s room for your own items. Alternatively, pack a NICU bag for yourself that you can easily take back and forth. Items to keep handy include: healthy snacks (apples, granola bars), a good water bottle, toiletries to freshen up, postpartum recovery items (peri bottle, vitamins, pain meds, pads, etc.), a blanket, and a fresh change of comfortable clothes.
5. Get at least 10 minutes of fresh air every day.
Get outside of the hospital and take in some fresh air. Try to find someplace accessible and relatively peaceful. Consider a hospital garden area, a park, or your own backyard for a few moments every day.
6. Give yourself permission to do something “normal.”
It can feel hard to step away from the NICU for a few hours, but doing something from your “normal” routine to recharge can help you be more present and energized when you return to your baby. Go out to lunch with a friend, go on a Target run just for fun, or see a movie.
7. Go on a date with your partner.
Similarly, reconnecting with your partner and spending some time together outside of the NICU is important. It can help you feel more like yourselves and give you both an opportunity to process your experiences together.
8. Adopt a comforting mantra.
Choosing a comforting or empowering mantra can help center yourself when the going gets tough. When my son was in the NICU, there was one particular bible verse that gave me great comfort. I printed it out and repeated it often, especially during difficult and scary moments. For inspiration, see this list of NICU mantras.
9. Connect with other NICU parents.
It can be validating and reassuring to hear from other parents who understand what you’re going through. If you are in the NICU for an extended period, odds are you will pass some of the same families in the hospital elevators, on the unit, or in the Ronald McDonald House. You are all going through the same experience – take a few moments to say hello and introduce yourself. Potentially go for a walk together, grab a quick bite, or connect online. If you don’t have the opportunity to connect with other NICU families in-person, there are many NICU and diagnoses-specific parent groups on Facebook. Additionally, Hand to Hold is a great organization that provides a Peer Mentor Program for NICU families.
10. Accept help.
It can be hard to know what to ask for when you are feeling overwhelmed in the NICU. When friends and family offer help – don’t feel bad saying yes. You would exten the same support to them. If you’re looking for ideas on what help to ask for, or want to share ideas with your support circle, read 10 Ways to Support Families With A Baby In The NICU.
Self care in the NICU is hard. It can feel challenging, counter-intuitive, even guilt-ridden to prioritize your own self-care when your baby is sick. But striving for simple, doable strategies that help you stay well is not only good for yourself, but will give you more capacity to care for your baby the way you want to. Above all, give yourself grace, and give yourself credit for all your are juggling during this time.
